how to explain?
how good it is to be free of church
This has turned into a bit of a series on my feelings about my church experience. If you haven’t yet, please go back and read my last two weeks of poem posts to see what’s up.
I had a conversation with someone not too long ago in which they asked my why I left the church. And I am starting to develop an answer that is honest and hopefully not alienating. I mean, I know the answer, but I don’t want to totally shut down conversation or come off too harsh. The peacekeeper in me is very invested in staying connected to my community, and some of the people in it are Christian.
And I’d love to hear also from my friends who are still in the church about what keeps them there. I am not really looking to argue, rather I’m curious about everyone’s experience. It’s gotta be different then mine, or they would have also left the church by now.
—
how to explain?
by Katie Anne Jamieson
I still don’t know
how to explain
how good it is
to be free
of church,
only those
who’ve left
get it,
the constant
itchy
discomfort,
the blazing
pain
of wearing
doctrine
that
is so small—
it diminishes god
and everyone
who touches it
—
I’d love to hear from you. I want to know what you think. Did you like this poem? Did any part of it resonate with you? Let me know.
"The peacekeeper in me is very invested in staying connected to my community, and some of the people in it are Christian." ------- I really hear this because I've been here too. I just had a conversation yesterday about how I do/do not read the Bible. Gratefully, it was a close friend and the conversation wasn't tricky, but still, "how" is a big and looming question. It sort of swirls around one's mind, "how do I explain, what's important to explain, what do I want to share, what do they need to know, what do they want to know".
And these lines, wow:
"...the constant
itchy
discomfort,
the blazing
pain
of wearing
doctrine
that
is so small—
it diminishes god
and everyone
who touches it"
Truth. Itchy discomfort, blazing pain, wearing doctrine that's too small, it diminishes everything including the one who it's for
I love this poem. I love the pacing, the line length, the way the words and lines feel punchy and urgent but also slow and languid, like you're meandering down a really, really important path. Slow journey, but incredibly important journey.
Thank-you for sharing this poem, and the others in this series. Thank-you, truly <3
You really describe that feeling perfectly. Itchy and too small. Church claustrophobia is really real.
I've been doing deconstruction before I even knew that that was a real thing or a word. I think it's a really active process for longer than one might expect. But then again Church played a huge part in my formative years and I'm pretty much doing the unlearning of all of that now.
Your poem is giving me language to my experience. Thank you.